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Monday
12/18/17
 
Maury You Took my Daughter's Virginity...Stop Denying Her Kids! (Repeat, TV-14) A man denies paternity; a man denies being the father of his devoted wife's two children; people question the paternity of a mother's two kids.
Mom Atticus Finch and the Downtrodden (HD, TV-14) Christy discovers how much money she must pay to attend law school; Bonnie must take on the role of disciplinarian when Violet begins living at home.
Mom Soapy Eyes and a Clean Slate (HD, TV-14) Christy sets out to fix the wrongs of her past, but is oblivious where Baxter is concerned; Bonnie tells Alvin about all the awful things she has done to him.
Two and a Half Men Give Me Your Thumb (HD, TV-14) Alan suggests that Chelsea should get breast reduction surgery, and Charlie responds by kicking him out of the house; Evelyn allows Alan to move in with her.
Two and a Half Men Untainted by Filth (HD, TV-14) After Charlie and Chelsea set their wedding date, he and Alan go out, only to awaken perplexed as the two of them are in the same bed with a strange woman.
 
Tuesday
12/19/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A woman finds out if her boyfriend is a cheater; a girlfriend wants to know if her boyfriend is cheating; a fiancée finds out if her fiancé has been cheating.
Mom High-Tops and Brown Jacket (HD, TV-14) Adam moves into Bonnie and Christy's place for a temporary time; Christy struggles when she tries to find someone to date with Jill around.
Mom Free Therapy and a Dead Lady's Yard Sale (HD, TV-PG) Bonnie and Christy find out that Violet is cheating on Luke, and when they agree to attend a therapy session with her, a painful family secret is exposed.
Two and a Half Men Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. (HD, TV-14) Chelsea invites her gorgeous college roommate to stay at Charlie's after she undergoes a rough breakup, resulting in Charlie secretly hoping for a threesome.
Two and a Half Men Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair (HD, TV-14) Charlie is crushed upon learning that he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan tries to cure his thinning hair using cheap products.
 
Wednesday
12/20/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A look is taken at how Maury's team helps guests improve their fashion behaviors, which leads to shocking results.
Mom Sword Fights and a Dominican Shortstop (HD, TV-14) Christy receives a job offer from Bonnie's ex-girlfriend to join the real estate business, prompting her to reconsider her decision to pursue a law career.
Mom Godzilla and a Sprig of Mint (HD, TV-14) While spending an evening alone, Christy runs into her handsome, single neighbor, Andy; Alvin's ex-wife, Lorraine, spoils Bonnie and Alvin's romantic plans.
Two and a Half Men That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room' (HD, TV-14) When Charlie introduces the thought of a pre-nuptial agreement, he is shocked to discover that Chelsea may have just as much need for one as he does.
Two and a Half Men One False Move, Zimbabwe! (HD, TV-14) Walden's mother arrives at the house and Alan finds himself smitten with her, even as she reveals a big secret from Walden's past that brings his mood down.
 
Thursday
12/21/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A man takes a DNA test to see if he's the father of his ex girlfriend's baby; a woman wants to prove to her boyfriend that he is the father of her child.
Mom Curious George and the Big Red Nightmare (HD, TV-14) After Baxter and Candace catch 12-year-old Roscoe smoking marijuana, Christy and Bonnie get involved for fear that he may have a drug problem.
Mom Nudes and a Six-Day Cleanse (HD, TV-14) Christy transitions towards a new career after she realizes that she has been a waitress for far too long; Bonnie and Alvin attempt to relive their youth.
Two and a Half Men Warning, It's Dirty (HD, TV-14) When Jake's girlfriend goes out of town for the holidays, Charlie encourages him to hook up with an attractive girl he met at the beach, but Alan disagrees.
Two and a Half Men Give Santa a Tail-hole (HD, TV-14) Walden continues to juggle his two identities, rich man and poor man; Alan finds himself spending the holidays at home all alone with no one in sight.
 
Friday
12/22/17
 
Maury You Cheated With 14 Different Men... That's Not My Son! (Repeat, TV-14) A woman wants to prove to her first and only love that he is the father of her two daughters; a man believes that his girlfriend cheated on him.
Mom Blow and a Free McMuffin (HD, TV-14) Christy and Bonnie come to Violet's aid when she contracts mono, but they find her illness is the least of her concerns after learning new information.
Mom Three Smiles and an Unpainted Ceiling (HD, TV-14) Just as Alvin is moving into the apartment across the courtyard, he unexpectedly passes away, leaving the Plunkett family severely shaken.
Two and a Half Men Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste (HD, TV-14) Jake attempts to woo his ex-girlfriend by writing her a love song; Alan and Herb try to keep their friendship hidden from Judith, knowing she wouldn't approve.
Two and a Half Men On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer! (HD, TV-14) Jenny goes to Walden for help getting a second date; Alan's girlfriend's ex-wife begins to hit on him; Jake gives Alan a Japanese delicacy for Christmas.
 
Saturday
12/23/17
 
Modern Family Express Christmas (HD, TV-PG) The family realizes that everyone will be elsewhere for Christmas and if they want to celebrate it together, they must celebrate it that day.
Paid Program (TV-G) Sponsored television programming.
Mom A Pirate, Three Frogs and a Prince (HD, TV-14) Christy feels threatened by Baxter's girlfriend, Candace, when they attend Roscoe's parent-teacher conference; Bonnie attempts to join the dating scene again.
Mom Kreplach and a Tiny Tush (HD, TV-14) Christy offers to host a family dinner to charm Violet's future mother-in-law; Steve informs Bonnie that he would like for them to become more official.
Two and a Half Men If My Hole Could Talk (HD, TV-14) Charlie finds himself attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Alan and Jake engage in a battle over a homework assignment.
Two and a Half Men Waiting for the Right Snapper (HD, TV-14) Charlie must resist temptation when he meets the grown daughter of the older woman he has been dating and realizes that it isn't their first encounter.
 
Sunday
12/24/17
« NFL Football Atlanta Falcons at New Orleans Saints from Mercedes-Benz Superdome (HD, TV-PG)
NFL Football Seattle Seahawks at Dallas Cowboys from AT&T Stadium (HD, TV-PG)
 
3 PM
3:30 PM
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4:30 PM
5 PM
5:30 PM
Monday
12/25/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A cheeringly compassionate journalist helps bring families and friends together to learn how to set aside their differences to work towards a common goal.
Mom Horny-Goggles and a Catered Intervention (HD, TV-14) Bonnie and Christy show Regina some support when she insists that she is not an alcoholic; Wendy encourages the ladies to go to a sober holiday dance.
Mom Kitty Litter and a Class A Felony (HD, TV-14) Christy attempts to compensate for Bonnie's bad behavior following the tragic loss of a loved one, but she is trying to cope with the grief herself.
Two and a Half Men Santa's Village of the Damned (HD, TV-14) Sandy begins cooking and cleaning obsessively, causing Charlie to warn Alan that his girlfriend is a "nester"; Sandy becomes a lunatic during Christmastime.
Two and a Half Men Walnuts and Demerol (HD, TV-14) Charlie is confident in his plans to get laid on Christmas Eve, but his friends and family play spoilers by loitering at the house, hijacking his attempt.
 
Tuesday
12/26/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A cheeringly compassionate journalist helps bring families and friends together to learn how to set aside their differences to work towards a common goal.
Mom Xanax and a Baby Duck (HD, TV-14) After finding out Roscoe has been experimenting with drugs and alcohol, Christy reacts by keeping her 12-year-old under constant surveillance.
Mom Cheeseburger Salad and Jazz (HD, TV-14) Christy takes Bonnie to see a professional about her state of mind after she becomes concerned with the way Bonnie is handling Alvin's death.
Two and a Half Men Yay, No Polyps! (HD, TV-14) Charlie goes through a colonoscopy to avoid seeing Chelsea's bigoted parents, but he finds them in his home when he returns from the doctor's office.
Two and a Half Men Crude and Uncalled For (HD, TV-14) Alan ends up in jail after being involved in a bar fight, and Charlie becomes worried that Chelsea might be interested in the lawyer who takes the case.
 
Wednesday
12/27/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A cheeringly compassionate journalist helps bring families and friends together to learn how to set aside their differences to work towards a common goal.
Mom Cornbread and a Cashmere Onesie (HD, TV-14) Christy and Bonnie grow concerned for Jill as she copes with her loss on the anniversary of her mother's suicide.
Mom Benito Poppins and a Warm Pumpkin (HD, TV-14) Christy discovers that being a manager comes with a new set of problems; Bonnie must hold her ground against an office rival who wants her fired.
Two and a Half Men Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (HD, TV-14) Charlie's jealousy of Brad begins to agitate Chelsea to the point of threatening their relationship, so Charlie approaches Alan for advice on what to do.
Two and a Half Men Tinkle Like a Princess (HD, TV-14) After becoming depressed when Chelsea dumps him, Charlie runs off to Las Vegas and returns home with a new wife, but he soon finds she comes with complications.
 
Thursday
12/28/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A cheeringly compassionate journalist helps bring families and friends together to learn how to set aside their differences to work towards a common goal.
Mom Freckled Bananas and a Little Schwinn (HD, TV-14) Adam becomes concerned about Christy and Bonnie's morality after they begin to fall back on old habits, committing illegal activities.
Mom Turkey Meatballs and a Getaway Car (HD, TV-14) Christy learns that making love is more enjoyable when there is a chance she could get caught; Bonnie gets carried away as secretary of the women's meeting.
Two and a Half Men I Found Your Moustache (HD, TV-14) Post-breakup, Charlie and Chelsea have a one-night stand, which leaves Charlie confused as he thought that it meant the two were back together.
Two and a Half Men Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT (HD, TV-14) Gretchen encourages Alan to finally come clean to Larry about his true identity; Walden brings Jenny and Barry with him on a road trip to see his first car.
 
Friday
12/29/17
 
Maury (New, TV-14) A cheeringly compassionate journalist helps bring families and friends together to learn how to set aside their differences to work towards a common goal.
Mom A Safe Word and a Rib Eye (HD, TV-14) Bonnie and her friends keep Jill's pregnancy test results a secret from Christy, who believes the wall of secrecy corresponds with her birthday or bad haircut.
Mom Dirty Money and a Woman Named Mike (HD, TV-PG) Christy and Bonnie are taken aback after they find out just how much their friend Regina has changed since serving time in prison.
Two and a Half Men Ixnay on the Oggie Day (HD, TV-14) Charlie hooks up with one of Chelsea's best friends; Alan unexpectedly discovers that he is capable of having an intriguing effect on his female patients.
Two and a Half Men Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead (HD, TV-14) Alan finally decides to confess his true identity to Larry, who has been more than happy to bless his sister's engagement and wedding to Alan.
 
Saturday
12/30/17
 
Modern Family Moon Landing (HD, TV-PG) Claire feels inadequate after an old friend visits; Jay has an unsettling moment in the locker room with Cameron; Mitchell helps Gloria with legal issues.
Paid Program (TV-G) Sponsored television programming.
Mom Snickerdoodle and a Nip Slip (HD, TV-14) Despite growing closer to her, Candace and Baxter react negatively when they find that Candace's wealthy and charismatic father shows an interest in Christy.
Mom My Little Pony and a Demerol Drip (HD, TV-14) Candace fails to remain tolerant of the fact that Christy's relationship with her father is developing; Bonnie takes pleasure in the perks of her relationship.
Two and a Half Men Damn You, Eggs Benedict (HD, TV-14) It's a series of firsts in the house as Charlie attempts cooking, Alan experiences dating two women at the same time and Jake takes his first taste of beer.
Two and a Half Men The Flavin' and the Mavin' (HD, TV-14) Alan is angered when Charlie begins hooking up with his receptionist, as he knows that their inevitable break-up will ultimately impact him more than Charlie.
 
Sunday
12/31/17
« NFL Football Regional Coverage - Teams TBA (HD, TV-PG)
NFL Football Regional Coverage - Teams TBA (HD, TV-PG)
 
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